Kink 'n' Ink

A friend of mine pointed me towards an article online about fat girls and their lovers. Finally some good press but what struck me is that almost everyone in the article is using a pseudonym instead of their real name. As a fat chick myself and knowing my dating pool (which is often guys and gals who dig fat chicks, or people open about it) I know that the general reaction towards people who are dating a fat chick is worse then the reactions I get on a day to day basis walking down the street (trust me, those reactions are bad and it’s a lot of them, you don’t even want to know).

Sure, everyone likes to pretend that it’s not the case but especially in the Netherlands (where I live) people as a whole are judgemental pricks who like to put down all that is different. I won’t pretend I’m above this, because I’m not. I’m only a human being myself afterall.

Somewhere in the article people are referring to being gay being ‘better’ then having a preference for fat partners. It’s ridiculous when you think about it, but it’s true. There’s been some research in the past that pointed out that boys in high school who discover that they like the maxisexy go through exactly the same stress, peer-pressure and get treated as social pariah’s as boys who discover that they’re gay.

The same can be said for fat chicks and gay men in general. Though being fat isn’t as easy to hide as staying closeted as a 17 year old gay guy. Some people speculate that this is why most gay guys have a fat chick as their preferred faghag. We know what the other party went through in high school. Knowing that the other half of your dating pool will have a hard time admitting that they are attracted to you.

One of the most heard phrases when it comes to guys dating me (or dating fat chicks in general) is ‘but you could do so much better’.
Really…
Would you have said that to the guy if he was dating a brunette instead of a blonde? Or if she had glasses instead of 20/20 vision?!
There is a slim to no chance of me ever spending time with a guy who dated me ‘as a second choice’. I don’t date second choices myself either (I think I deserve better than that, everyone does). Belitteling people for their relationship choices is sad, doubting their sanity is even worse.

Being ridiculed in high school for being fat was something that didn’t happen that much to me. When I was 13 I got into a fight about it with someone and I walked away while they had to go to the school nurse. No, I’m not proud of this and I’m not a physically aggressive person, but this guy was pushing my buttons over and over until he actually shoved me and I snapped. After that though, no one hassled me. I learned to be deflective by using one of my many traits, humor and a sassy attitude. I still use both of those things today to deflect and the combination of it made me into a tremendous flirting machine. Though I didn’t learn that till well into my 20′s.

From my 14th to my 25th (give or take) 49 out of 50 guys who would approach me would turn out to be asshats who just wanted to pull a prank at expense of the fat chick. And that is probably why I’m one of those people who are quite hard to date. With every guy who approaches me all my alarms go online to the extreme. I seem cool at first, uninterested maybe even. Because yes, I am indeed wondering when your friends will catch up and everyone will have a laugh at the gullible fat chick.
I know that there is a chance that you are attracted to me because I’m simply your type. That you’re probably overcoming your own social fears by hitting on me, but it will take time for me to actually believe that and feel it.

So, some people think that getting a fat chick is easier. Maybe because of the self-esteem issues we (well I) have, but I can assure you, we’re not. I for one have learned to trust my instincts, maybe a bit too good even. I’m definitely not an easy woman to court. Next to all the insecurities any woman might have, I have the added bonus of people paving the way with retarded actions that have made me cautious of anyone approaching me. One of the things that will assure me is letting me know that you’re aware of my size, and letting me know you’re okay with it. Or even better, that I’m your type.

Here is the only catch: I will not tell you I want to bottom to you. You have to push my buttons and figure it out. If I have to tell you I want to bottom to you then it is a good chance I will never sub to you and I’ll only bottom to you on rare occasions. I need my top/Dom to be able to read me from the beginning. I have no problem speaking my mind or sharing what I need, but that first meeting is a dance. That first meeting involves a kinky tango of thoughts and desires swimming around in my head to see who is the leader.

Now thát is exactly how it works for me and it probably explains a lot about why, despite being in the BDSM scene for over 10 years, I have only bottomed about 10 times and had a whopping total of 1 experience in which I actually submitted to someone.

It might not be fair to ‘demand’ the person that is Dominating / Topping me knows me from the start.
We all come with a manual and having others figure out mine is a pain in the butt for them. If I’d be at work I’d tell my clients ‘it’s easier if you explain your manual to me so I can actually interact with you in a productive way’. That’s work though and work to me doesn’t compare to relationships with such a intense bond as I need in a D/s or T/b.

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In roughly 51 hours it’s 2011.
Which leaves me just that amount of hours to look back on 2010.
A year with ups and downs but in all a year that ended quite well for me.
I learned a lot, taught others a lot and really came that much closer to how I want my life to be.

[...]

“When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”
- Buddha

“It was like summer camp, when it started, I didn’t know my place and if I’d fit in.
When it ended I just didn’t want to go home.”
- Seska

The quotes above just describes the entire experience I had yesterday during the The Usual Suspects Unconference (TUS).

First of all a HUGE thanks to the facilitators of what I can already call the best conference I’ve ever been to in my life up till now (TUS 2011 might beat it, hahaha).
Second a HUGE thanks to all the people that where there during the day, I think it was a grand total of around 50 / 60 people that participated and I feel proud and honored to have been one of you guys.

[...]

WOOOOOOT! Finally some action here in Amsterdam

Lovely people have started the initiative to get together a GRUE type unconference in the Netherlands.
I’ve always been envious of the US for the awesome activities people develop there and it’s great to know we can probably pull this off in the Netherlands as well

I’ve ordered and paid for my ticket. Unfortunately I can only make it to the day part and not to the playparty (I already had tickets to the Of Montreal concert the same night ) but hey, at least I can get some of the knowledge sharing action in, yay!

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